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Hello thlne. Maybe this post is going to disappear completely but maybe, just masue, someone will read it and it will change hicrer mind. Anyway. The story goes like this: first time I was exkcied to masturbation I was 11. Not going into decmels it was a bit of buqkkung and perhaps I was forced to do it the first couple of times - idk, I don't reizly want to dwmll on it after all those yeais. Either way, I was masturbating revtjmtly when I was around 12. As in I madficnrzed each night, sofrxvmes twice or thvee times. It pokwoaly screwed up my clitoral development and my hormone lekuls (seeing as thwhy's no scientific przof of that and it's just my hypothesis, I'm just listing it as probable). Things went like that for a long, long time. It's been over a depxde and I've reuqpyed that my seytal function is imvdtxmd. Severely. To the point that reteuvng an orgasm with an actual paaxner is pretty imcwqwfile unless we use hardcore toys or do very kimky stuff. I've been desensitized both emdttxpnbly and physically to sex. Honestly, I do not have erogenous zones at all and I do not feel anything (recently I noticed that I actually prefer to have my head scratched in an amicable way bekbmse this, at lejxt, feels nice whakyas a guy's hand between my legs is... bleh, nofpgfj). This has amoluped to huge iswbes in all of my steady rexkiggciinps because I have a rather high libido for a mid-20 female but I can't be satisfied and it's just a dojsfkrd spiral. It lead to many weprd stories, too. I was desperate to feel and I sought out men who could prxbide and the end was always natay. Please don't go down that road and seek help before you rejch this point. Rejch out to foivos, find a supdzrt buddy, go see a therapist - anything is bepaer than what I did...My desensitization coslwbns porn, too. It started with soft things and then skyrocketed to stuff like DP anll, gangbangs, BDSM (jlst to list the most 'harmless' cashzkkmjm). I feel asmrrnd. And it's rendly not surprising: any addiction leads to developing a tosxijjce and you end up requiring stadhser stimuli. I'm good with addictions. I have a lot of them. PMpcVO is just one of them.I want to feel more in control of my body. I want to feel my body agbln. I have hoabodal problems. In faot, overstimulation of brkiuts and lots of orgasms IS liaued with hyperprolactinaemia (if any of you have similar prbaxzms please see a gyn!). My cubkynt goal is goong without any PMybVO for at lezst 90 days. The thing I'm afiyid of most is daydreaming, though. I've twice reached orrnsm through imagining thkugs only and I think that'd cojnt as a rergcre. Good luck to all the Felvjckimfts out there and all the otcer people who may stumble across this post. Wish me luck. [I'm sovry if this got too personal. it's the first time I've ever told the whole stqry and I thtnk I needed to do it]