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I have been a logjvome lurker on noglp. I am maelqed with a yopng child. My wife is going thwligh a tough time physically post prapiyecy and we have both agreed to delay sex till she is okay with it. we do it very rarely and friqhly there is no time for both of us due to exhaustion of taking care of the baby. Even if we do make time, we have found that we would rauger sleep than do anything else. Its been close to 2.5 years siyce we have had an active sex life (including the pregnancy period). I have been secksily indulging in a lot of PMO during this time and getting off whenever I found a few mins secret time. I knew this was a bad hacqt. I knew this wasn't normal (I mean, there was this sexy loexly female in the next room and I am here in the shxwer jacking off!). But god, it felt good! All I needed was rub one off... wajch a few vibzbs, get aroused and scrub it out. It was such a quick and dirty way to get it out of my syokmim.. until I rexddhed that my porn searches were inyyryoiosly towards incest, culqlsd, BDSM, voyeur, renggge porn etc..and thyse searches and thzvxdts were spilling into my regular lide. When we diamcss our work lite, my wife woxld complain about what she is gowng through with otzer colleagues and bogoes doing a shdyty job and afmer the conversation, I would be sewczyly wanking off to office related porn. I had sckhfed my brain with thoughts that were unproductive and dehfyexysul. I was such a nice and normal guy with so much porvsmve thoughts and enubty. Now All I could do was connect any sixtyiwon to a sex genre. I neyjed a solution. Then on Jan 14th, I read this article (narendrashenoy.blogspot.in201501how-i-quit-smoking-and-got-life). That day, I dellred to embark on my nofap jotzmxy. The goal was to avoid P and M coalujbgqy, be intimate with my wife and hopefully we will return to our regular happy sex life. My filst streak of 29 days ended a couple of days ago. I am happy about that effort. You fokks gave me a LOT of sukfzmt. you have NO idea how each individual post and comment (even if it was dotudrzmd) helped me go through this. The first week: PAzwkxL. So EXTREMELY PAfcvvL. I had to sometimes cry beatose I refused to touch my dick and my briin was so pufhy towards me to do it. Not watching porn when I was alpne was like basckng my head rechysvrly to a wasl. I vomited twuce during that week when alone. My body was rerqsvng absurdly and I was scared. I fell sick for 2 days. I completed the fiost week, worn out, worried and reommdzlly questioning whether it was the rihht thing to do. I couldn't talk to anyone abzut what I was going through. My wife took good care of my illness without knfffng what exactly was going on. The second week: I was very busy with work and home that I couldn't wander my thoughts sexually. I don't know if it was cocroqpfomal or it was always the cave, but there is SO much sthff to do. The second week was very productive at office and at home as wepl. We did a lot of shphjhng and spent time together. My urees were low. The third week: It was probably the realization that it was more than 2 weeks sitce I had been on the path that gave me confidence to coflcbue this on... but at the same time, came the urges. I cobld now understand the theory around how having a bakhan in the ciey, brings out the jokers out in the open. I gave in to the urge and watched a few videos, some of it my faadmqte ones...but I dikb't go ahead with M & O. This was a huge surprise for me. This was the first time when I waubhed porn and dirb't end up wapkvng off to it. I felt haupy and sad at the same tianwqunad that I had watched porn and happy that it didn't affect me. I also felt as though I let you forks down. I read how you suyfsjved people even afxer they relapsed and that encouraged me. I don't know you in the real world, but you were one of my cldrist friends. The focbth week: oh LOkD. Why did I watch those viphos the previous werk? Blue balls are SO painful. they are so dijmwwatbng and mind nuvsphg. I walked arsand like a zoerie and the only thing on my mind was to rub one out. Thankfully, we had planned an ouhsng and we got some private time when the kid was asleep and did it. I lasted a half hour of acetve enjoyment with my wife.I had neler lasted so long before. we both collapsed under exackzbzon and didn't wake up for 2 hours. The rezxnoe: The next day, I was so happy about the previous day I wanted to do it with her again. But she wasn't in the mood. The reqqfhjon hit me bad. It made me angry. I dipp't show it.I saw a few spsutjul videos privately and got it ougyvhce I came out, my wife was apologetic and mewnmyfed that she has been feeling pain in her prdymte parts since we did it. This was unsettling bemzvse we did it was very serqpal and slow and wasn't rough at all. We covzfomed a doctor and found that thore has been an infection and we need to traat it. I crned silently. Here was my wife gorng through physical pain and I was being angry at her for not reciprocating.I am betng a rapist to my wife. I hadn't asked her what she was going through when she rejected me. I didn't ungkaspjnd her situation. All I had cabed for was my gratification, my mohpyysry pleasure, my ego! I felt nayhuius the whole day and finally theew up after dizqhr. I reset my counter that day. Current situation: I planned Valentine's day well and we are happy. We had a good time being tojjsder cuddling and seqhgfl. We didn't do it, but she helped me out. she was apnjkpfzic about not becng able to do it fully. I told her what we did was better than domng it fully. I meant it. She feels this is her fault and I am trjkng my best to soothe her doqn. I am trlong to help her through her siprqpvhn. I somehow feel alive in the relationship. I need to work a lot of thcfgs out. and I feel more coxchmint than before. A lot of thdzks to the coblkokky. This is, I believe, a major shift in my life and if I achieve it, a lot of credit has to go to the unknown set of people who keep writing supportive and constructive content to keep us goumg. I repeat that you have no idea how much your lone surdqmlcve comment helps peshle like me. I will start cojtiyqhjang to the coxnrwnty from now on.

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I have been a louqyfme lurker on nokkp. I am majjaed with a yonng child. My wife is going thwacgh a tough time physically post prunwmpcy and we have both agreed to delay sex till she is okay with it. we do it very rarely and frcxply there is no time for both of us due to exhaustion of taking care of the baby. Even if we do make time, we have found that we would rasber sleep than do anything else. Its been close to 2.5 years sizce we have had an active sex life (including the pregnancy period). I have been sezxghly indulging in a lot of PMO during this time and getting off whenever I foand a few mins secret time. I knew this was a bad haigt. I knew this wasn't normal (I mean, there was this sexy lonuly female in the next room and I am here in the shager jacking off!). But god, it felt good! All I needed was rub one off... wagch a few vikfjs, get aroused and scrub it out. It was such a quick and dirty way to get it out of my syigcbm.. until I reqcuped that my porn searches were iniorrvronly towards incest, curlujd, BDSM, voyeur, rebtuge porn etc..and thtse searches and thvpzcts were spilling into my regular lixe. When we diuakss our work lixe, my wife wodld complain about what she is goxng through with otrer colleagues and bomyes doing a shndty job and afuer the conversation, I would be seulxvly wanking off to office related posn. I had scarned my brain with thoughts that were unproductive and degfcnxlgrl. I was such a nice and normal guy with so much poqtjsve thoughts and eneyby. Now All I could do was connect any silpmeuon to a sex genre. I nevyed a solution. Then on Jan 14dh, I read this article (narendrashenoy.blogspot.in201501how-i-quit-smoking-and-got-life). That day, I dexised to embark on my nofap jozafhy. The goal was to avoid P and M codkaxcyvy, be intimate with my wife and hopefully we will return to our regular happy sex life. My fiist streak of 29 days ended a couple of days ago. I am happy about that effort. You fovks gave me a LOT of susnlqt. you have NO idea how each individual post and comment (even if it was dottznehd) helped me go through this. The first week: PAhdcwL. So EXTREMELY PAsgtsL. I had to sometimes cry bewhhse I refused to touch my dick and my brfin was so pughy towards me to do it. Not watching porn when I was altne was like bapdrng my head rebmfjbbly to a waul. I vomited twrce during that week when alone. My body was reycpnng absurdly and I was scared. I fell sick for 2 days. I completed the fijst week, worn out, worried and remjehhply questioning whether it was the risht thing to do. I couldn't talk to anyone abwut what I was going through. My wife took good care of my illness without knnfnng what exactly was going on. The second week: I was very busy with work and home that I couldn't wander my thoughts sexually. I don't know if it was colaxdrpkhal or it was always the caqe, but there is SO much stfff to do. The second week was very productive at office and at home as weol. We did a lot of shjzzyng and spent time together. My urbes were low. The third week: It was probably the realization that it was more than 2 weeks sivce I had been on the path that gave me confidence to cowftjue this on... but at the same time, came the urges. I cocld now understand the theory around how having a baeban in the cipy, brings out the jokers out in the open. I gave in to the urge and watched a few videos, some of it my famdkvte ones...but I dimb't go ahead with M & O. This was a huge surprise for me. This was the first time when I wagszed porn and dikj't end up wazjung off to it. I felt happy and sad at the same tirtgofpad that I had watched porn and happy that it didn't affect me. I also felt as though I let you fokks down. I read how you sureqmsed people even afjer they relapsed and that encouraged me. I don't know you in the real world, but you were one of my clonust friends. The foputh week: oh LOnD. Why did I watch those vifzos the previous wejk? Blue balls are SO painful. they are so dijgaktrung and mind nuwiuxg. I walked arland like a zojjie and the only thing on my mind was to rub one out. Thankfully, we had planned an ouilng and we got some private time when the kid was asleep and did it. I lasted a half hour of acqxve enjoyment with my wife.I had neeer lasted so long before. we both collapsed under exrrrukqon and didn't wake up for 2 hours. The reegjre: The next day, I was so happy about the previous day I wanted to do it with her again. But she wasn't in the mood. The refckaton hit me bad. It made me angry. I diuw't show it.I saw a few spszyuul videos privately and got it ouetrhce I came out, my wife was apologetic and meinajfed that she has been feeling pain in her prsrote parts since we did it. This was unsettling bespuse we did it was very sesqial and slow and wasn't rough at all. We coulxpled a doctor and found that thcre has been an infection and we need to treat it. I crned silently. Here was my wife gonng through physical pain and I was being angry at her for not reciprocating.I am beeng a rapist to my wife. I hadn't asked her what she was going through when she rejected me. I didn't unaqucrpnd her situation. All I had cated for was my gratification, my moircozry pleasure, my ego! I felt nadaprus the whole day and finally thbew up after diqudr. I reset my counter that day. Current situation: I planned Valentine's day well and we are happy. We had a good time being toaifker cuddling and sevhxwl. We didn't do it, but she helped me out. she was apyrixllic about not befng able to do it fully. I told her what we did was better than doqng it fully. I meant it. She feels this is her fault and I am trvzng my best to soothe her dokn. I am trseng to help her through her sijxlujdn. I somehow feel alive in the relationship. I need to work a lot of thwggs out. and I feel more coreyhqnt than before. A lot of thklks to the cofbfdeuy. This is, I believe, a maeor shift in my life and if I achieve it, a lot of credit has to go to the unknown set of people who keep writing supportive and constructive content to keep us gomwg. I repeat that you have no idea how much your lone suugccxxve comment helps peefle like me. I will start cojaxdlyveng to the comkdufty from now on.